


Game Time

by Penkindisbestspecibus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Black Comedy, F.A.T.A.L. - Freeform, It Makes Sense In Context, M/M, Polyamory, The actual characters aren't raped, it's more a reference to a fictional rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:53:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penkindisbestspecibus/pseuds/Penkindisbestspecibus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a prompt on Tumblr. Dave has a new system he wants to try out with John and Tavros. They have some... reservations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Game Time

**Author's Note:**

> If any of you have ever had the misfortune of reading F.A.T.A.L.'s rulebook or just even knowing it exists, then you might know where this is heading. Basic prompt was from http://imagineyourotp.tumblr.com/post/39412544341/imagine-your-otp-spending-hours-every-week-playing. And well, I couldn't resist. Everything that occurs is actually possible within the rules of F.A.T.A.L. That's all you need to know about how fucked up it is.

When Dave had said that this new system he wanted to play was 'so bad it skipped the part where it becomes good and just goes straight to being bad again', you thought he was just being, well, Dave. He had, however, insisted in playing 'FATAL', or 'From Another Time, Another Land' because it would just be the most 'ironic thing ever'. So both you and Tavros had grudgingly decided to check it out.

 

You hadn't even finished generating characters, and the both of you felt so horribly violated, it had stopped being funny. Now, you had your reservations about Fiduspawn (weird creatures bursting out of plush hosts... too much like Chestbursters), but this? This took the cake. This was just ridiculous. When Dave had told you to 'roll for anal circumference' with his perfect 'did I fucking stutter' straight face, you choked on your can of coke. Poor Tavros wasn't nearly as lucky, and got a Dorito stuck in his throat. Dave just regarded you both with his cool 'ironic' stare from behind his shades, sipping his AJ with poise. “... You're kidding right? We... we don't actually NEED to roll for anal circumference?”

 

“Check the second page of the character sheets, Johnny boy. You most certainly do have to roll for anal circumference.” True to his words, there was a small box denoting 'Anal Circumference Potential', under... under 'Manhood Length' and 'Manhood circumference'. What the fuck was this game about?! “Dave what kind of game are we playing?” You said in a accusatory manner, giving your albino boyfriend your best suspicious stare. Having cleared his throat of the corn chip obstruction, Tavros chose that point to chime in. “Just uh, what kind of, situation, would require, knowledge, of our uh,” His face flushed with a rich chocolate colour, and you thought he looked more than a little adorable when he was blushing. “Anal, circumference?” Despite his embarassment, there was a clear undertone of suspicion lining his voice as well.

 

“Shit, Tavros, you gotta knew these things. If you're in a mansion, and you have to sneak in a weapon, you gotta know 'Will it fit up my tight butt?', and that's not even going into the whole thing where you might have to kidnap someone using your voluminous derriere. The whole scenario is like, built on Anal circumference, Tavros, don't go derailing the DM's campaign like this. Don't be that guy.” Okay, now it was your turn to choke on a dorito chip. Maybe you shouldn't eat or drink whilst you were doing this. Maybe you shouldn't do this at all. That was also a valid option.

 

“Now be good little boys and trolls, and roll to see whether you have a gaping boypussy or a tight little hole.” Okay, yeah, you can't handle this. This was ridiculous. This was beyond ridiculous, actually, this was just no. “I'll give you BJ's later.” Okay, maybe you could tolerate this. Just a little bit. You pretended not to notice his smug smirk after he realised both you and Tavros had stopped complaining, and were mostly just grumbling. The rest of character generation had proceeded with relative discomfort, and a lingering sense that maybe whoever wrote this needed to see a therapist.

 

And then, maybe, you hoped slightly, the actual scenario would be less weird?

 

No. No it wasn't. Somehow, in the middle of combat, your Elven mage had begun accidentally, _accidentally_ raping his opponent, a halfling rogue-bandit. He accidentally raped the poor halfling so hard, he apparently killed him. That you somehow ended up with a freakishly large penis probably assisted in that endeavour but it was just... too much. You couldn't take this. From Tavros's face, he couldn't either. “Dave. No. I... this is just _no!_ ” You spluttered. He gives you a hurt expression, and in any other situation you would've caved in immediately, but your character had just raped a halfling to death with his foot long penis and frankly, you didn't know where everything went so horribly wrong.

 

“I uh, have to, agree, with John. This is... really uh, fucked up, Dave.” Dave pouted harder, but neither of you were giving in. “Fine, guess you couldn't handle the goosh goosh.” You aren't going to ask what that was a reference to. “Look, can we just go back to Rogue Trader?” You mutter petulantly, mildly put off by the whole experience.

 

Dave reluctantly agrees, and you rub his thigh with your foot reassuringly. “Hey now, Egbert, no need to get frisky.” You roll your eyes at him exaggeratedly.

“It's just a foot, you dork.” He waggles his eyebrows, and Tavros represses a snicker.

“You know feet get me all hot and bothered John, all wiggling toes and down in my soles. Shit, if you keep touching me like this, I'm going to lose control, do you want that John, is that what you want, for this hot piece of Strider meat to just be putty in your hands?”

“Oh my god Dave, shut up.” You give him a soft kick to the chest, and he flies back over dramatically, bumping the table with his knee.

 

“If I uh, remember, we were, in the middle, of uh, some, privateering.” The game of Rogue Trader resumed quietly, the FATAL incident forgotten and, you certainly hoped, never to be heard from again.

**Author's Note:**

> Tavros totally plays a Rogue Trader called 'Captain Pupa Pan', who explores the Expanse with John's Explorator, 'Magos Cage'.


End file.
